I havent been posting on this blog for such a long time. Sorry bloggy(: I'v been going back to writing on my diary. That's more private and yea, I don't need internet to pen down my thoughts- i can do it anywhere, anytime. so yea, there have been a lot of things happening in my life and I am very grateful for all of it. But I am still working on the ON TASK ASSIGNMENT thing. Gotta step up my discipline man ! ohyea, 18 days ago, I was at the airport, getting ready for my MLEP trip to Makassar, Pulau Sulawesi. Those 10 days were so memorable that I'm missing that place so much):  Well, tday, i'm gg to follow my mum and some of my relatives to KL and genting ((: Insya'allah, those days spent will be awesome, slash out the anger and annoyance on those days , hopefully. Despite all of that, i'm still struggling to finish up all of my HMWK ! no sighs. sighs aint good. COME ON IFFAH. currently, doing my econs essay. one down, 6 more to go !

Today is Sunday, and I just wasted it away~
wow. I srsly HAVE NOTHING TO DO- other than rehearse my op.
so far, after my madrasah, I have been on the bed most of the time either watching movies or just basically surfing the net. initially, I was supposed to go to the gym but my friend decided to declare today as her lazy day and I just simply joined in. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ? i was even lazy to go out unless someone as me out. I feel task-less without a storybook to finish reading. Should I borrow another book ?
anw, tmr, coming to school later-with my teacher's permission. syukur and syukran (:
My back is hurting me with all the hunching while surfing the net.
Gotta get back to the phone conversation
~w'salam

I had just finished watching P.S I LOVE YOU online. I just kept on thinking if my love ones were not to be here, i'll cry-cry for a year i think. and the suddenly at the end of the show i felt the pain and emptiness that lady who is now a strong one have been feeling. the feeling of crying each and everyday to the smack in the face immediate reality change. to wake up to a new day, a new page, starting with absent presence of the ones who'll be the first name to pop up on your phone screen. that feeling of emptiness and lump in your throat for the whole day. that tiring feeling of waking up to a headache because you cried in your sleep last night. i felt that before. and i am proud that i went through the next day with strength and that was done with a day out with my lovely date. i love him each day. and i just love screaming at him and still feel the love. thank god for giving us the opportunity to meet each other and forgive me for my sins with him. love does do stupid things to us, humans. i don't hope for an eternal love but i am just blessed with whatever He has given me and i thank him for that. 

- i'm being sensitive now. that's a sign- gonna get the bloody week soon.

Tmr's the start for MCE. I don't know if i am feeling confident or not about the papers. But I am learning to keep calm and believe in myself. With this, I am able to not take my time revising but to be able to revise effectively. and store it in my memory safe and useful to whatever i store it for.

GOOD LUCK EVERYONE. 

Honestly, I was clueless in JC. but now i know what i want to achieve. Alhamdulillah(: MCE here i come. I'm shaking while typing that out. need confidence and believe in myself to overpower that awful fear.

What am I doing ? Like, srsly ? I try to hide the results from my dad but one day he still will find out. Ugh, i just dont like my parents to get involved with my school thing, let me work everything out and show it to you when i achieve because i hunger for your proud-ness over me and not your disappointment. Hais. But still, they are the one who gave me money and paid my school fees. sighsighsigh. I dont want to deal with the "WHY ARE YOUR RESULTS LIKE THESE?!". yea. you should have asked the crazy teachers or me- for picking a freaking far school. Sometimes, i just see school as a waste of time, especially when it gets closer to a very important exam. I rather stay at home and finish up the revision that I was longing to finish up. Okay, girl. Better get your head in the game and not your mind in desire. I hate desires, it side-tracks me- A LOT. sighsighsigh

I remember after prom, when i woke up crying because i realize that he was gone. But that was only for a moment but this time, he'll be there for 2 years. don't get me wrong though, he'll still be coming back to spend his holidays in S'pre. Can't wait for him to get back and all of us can just gather again and have the time of our lives(: I had a lot of fun hanging out with them. and i hope that feeling will never change. Everyone was so emotional on tht day. Never have i see guys cry because of a friend. who wouldn't? they have been friends since sec 1, all the memories just came flashing back.and all the fun times they had. I only had some because i became close to him in sec 3. But they were meaningful memories. fun ones. though i may annoy him, atleast it made him smile and laugh. Of course, i wouldn't continue annoying someone if they are really annoyed. I have my limits and i have my own status to protect. I don't want to be labelled 'the annoying bitch'. i rather be labelled 'the annoying friend'. The day of jalan raya, he kept looking at me and i kept looking at him. I could see that he was happy to see khairul so happy with me. I could see it in his eyes 'they are meant for each other'. i remember that day, i was so terrified because his face was so calm; which feels wrong. But he was just happy and sad that that will be his last jalan raya before he flies off to UK. At the airport, a friend said tht maybe he still has some feelings for me when looking back to sec 4 when he confessed to me. well, i don't think so. I just know he moved on from amira and he's just yearning for that right girl to come by. If she comes, she's going to be lucky. while i have the guy that loves me and it is so right to feel his love. it feels like home. we may vend our anger on one another but i'll always blame it on the stress. I am a lady. A lady usually thinks with her heart and a man usually thinks with his brain only a few thinks with both heart and brain. Going back to the story, i'll always pray for your safety and may Allah be by your side always and make you a better muslim(: Amin.

There's this guy in my school that reminds me of Arwah. perhaps, it was because of his sportiness and his charisma that can actually attract people. Yes, attract. I would have this tendency to just stare at him as he walks pass. He aldy has a gf and I have a boy in mind too. But it is because he reminds me of arwah, that looking at him makes me happy at times. Sorry to say this, but yes, i do miss arwah sometimes. I do have some regrets but hate to feel that way because if things were to change, i wouldnt be in this situation now. I am blessed with where i am now. Thank you YA ALLAH (: I never fail to feel so proud of him. I am helpless at the same time because I too want to be like him. I want to be perfect for heaven. I want to be a srsly good muslim. and insya'allah, there will be a guy to guide me and that guy will be my husband. I cant help but thinking of early marriage because I rather get married than to do such zinahs. even looking into each others' eyes with full of love is sinful. so, yea, early marriage anyone ? nah, just joking. I'm just sick of money sometimes, they are so cruel to human mind.

Ya Allah, berilah aku kesabaran. I am at the verge of this bad temper. I can just loose it anytime and just drop my own status. Hopefully, that wont happen. I realize that I am serious this few days. So fierce. Astaghfirullah. Please give me patience... Please don't let me loose it. Surely, i do  not want them to be the victim. I do not want them to judge me as I do not even want to judge them in the first place. Please,patience...

Doing EoM. Astaghfirullah. Setengah mati aku ni.I MUST PERSEVERE ! while doing this, my friend txted to teman buka kt rumah dia dulu. hais. kak, rumah aku dkt dgn tmpt dia, abeh nk g jauhjauh? hais. no thanks. sorry, bukan apa bt i'm so stress doing my EoM. The time that I will take going to your house and buka there, i can use it for my EoM. So, Nope. Sorry..

New Blog, New Life? Nah, New Posts

"help meeee, i am being swollen by marshmallowsss" hehehe. Good morninggg.
It's 1030 am and i am in the midst of doing my EoM. I stopped doing it for a while to create a new blog. pathetic, huh? yea. I think I am easily distracted or I just feel that I need to do something before doing my EoM. I feel sleepy and trying to overcome the hunger; I didn't eat Sahur jusy now. Hais. Bangun je dh 613 am.
Showered Kiki just now. She just ran to me and meow-ed freaking loud at me just now. I think she was angry with me or something. I didn't buy her "please pity me" eyes when I showered her. HEHE. Now, she's all wet. Wet pussy. HAHA. sounds wroonngg O.O